Being newly single can send you straight into the arms of a dissatisfied married other. If you have been married or have been in a long term relationship yourself, you will understand only too well how difficult it can be to endure an unhappy marriage. Careful though. Many women have discovered that they were merely fresh fodder for bored husbands who have carefully searched for single women on Internet dating sites.  Many regrets have been made through believing sob stories whole-heartedly and whilst no doubt some are genuinely unhappy, many women live to regret becoming involved with married men.

Another regret for many is turning down a romantic encounter when they had the opportunity. You can argue of course that the timing was all wrong but maybe the lesson here is learning to jump at opportunities when they occur even if you might feel that you are not romantically ready at the time. Some women regret not asking out the man of their dreams, feeling that they didn’t stand a chance of ensnaring him only to find out much later, that he fancied them too. Too late though, he’s moved on.

Regrets come in all shapes and sizes and often we look back over the years when life seemed so much simpler, there may have been that first boyfriend who you thought was always going to be the real love of your life. Regretting letting a past love go is not unusual but you have to remember that it’s likely that you are both different people now and would have potentially grown apart as the years progressed. Of course if your first love was a genuine, kind and caring individual and your partners afterwards were not any of those things, then its’ no wonder that you look back and see that love as one that was wasted. If you really feel regret leaving him, instead of moping about the past, consider how you can attract nicer men into your life instead. Look forwards and not backwards.

Another regret for many women is not ending a bad relationship much earlier. We have probably all done this, held on to the relationship long after it was well and truly emotionally over. Fear of being alone, concerns that our partners might not cope without us or financial restraints can all tie us into a bad relationship. It’s much healthier to accept that it’s over and then move on and move out.  It’s easy to regret trying to make it work and living a lie for some months or even years, but at some point, it’s time to say goodbye. Then when you look back, you can learn from the experience.

Sex plays a big part in our staying with the wrong man. Sometimes we are just attracted to bad boys and the sexual chemistry with a bad boy can really sizzle It doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself; the sex might have been satisfying but was the relationship? A dissatisfying uncaring man might make your toes curl in the bedroom department but aren’t you worth more? These ‘friends with benefits’ relationships are only satisfying in the short term.

Fear of being hurt or rejected can often be a more overpowering emotion than love and if you have been badly hurt in the past, it can be a scary time when you start developing real feelings for someone again. Some women are unable to cope with this and have left their new love before getting hurt. These actions can very quickly lead to regrets.

The moral of the article is that you don’t want to waste your life by looking back and feeling regret for decisions that you made at the time. There is no point being fearful of life, instead embrace it, live it and enjoy it. Whatever decisions you make going forward, has to be because it’s the right decision for you at the time.

It’s a cruel twist to the ending of a long relationship that there has to be so much emotional turmoil especially when once upon a time, your relationship seemed water tight and no evidence of cracks in sight. The emotions you might expect to feel are disappointment, grief and the stress of starting over.

Being single is a scary time. You might find that you are in uncharted territory. Everything seems alien and nothing is sacred anymore. The road ahead seems uncertain. You have practical issues to consider possibly selling your home and finding a new place to live. If you have children, you have responsibilities for their well-being and you may even have thoughts about whether you will ever meet someone and be able to love and trust them again.

You have to understand that it’s ok to have this multitude of feelings. Your emotions might sweep through a wide range – from anger, sadness, frustration and pain. These emotions will gradually ease in time once you have taken your first tentative steps into the unknown.

It’s important to remember that you are not superwoman either. You may not be as productive as you would usually be and that’s because you are dealing with the loss of your relationship. You need time to heal. Talking to others is important however. Being able to share your hurt with others, friends and family etc is essential during this time. A problem shared after all, is a problem halved. ]

Every break up is understandably different but your feelings and the depth of them will echo the sentiments of women the world over. Don’t fight your feelings though because suppressing them will only make the healing process more drawn out. Remember that you still have a future ahead of you and that in time you will come to embrace that but you have the stepping stones towards your new future to still clamber over. If you can avoid being in touch with your ex partner, so much the better. This may be difficult if you have children but it’s a good idea to have a complete break and some breathing space before encountering him again. This will give you time to settle into your new single status a little more.

Don’t expect your emotions to be settled immediately. Once you have taken care of all of the practical aspects of your old relationship, then you can contemplate how to not simply cope with your new situation but to turn it into a positive. Adopting a positive attitude will make the process much easier.

Take time out from the dating scene for a while even if your ex seems to have moved on and has found someone else. Remember that it’s not a competition and you don’t have to do anything that you are not ready to. Ideally, you need to immerse yourself in your new life and find a sense of stability and inner happiness before you encounter a new romance because otherwise, you will find that your old romance and your new one will still be inextricably linked in your emotions and you will struggle to let go of past issues.

It’s always important to establish what went wrong and to identify how you could have made things different if at all possible, this analysis will help you to effectively deal with the hurt and grief and to close the door on the past. In time, your broken relationship will become the instigator of a positive time to come, but you can’t cheat the healing process or avoid it because you need to be whole again if you want to enter into a healthy and loving relationship in the future.

Game playing is one of the biggest no-no’s and to try and avoid and yet, everybody indulges in a little game playing at some point or another. Initially, you might be trying to stay as cool as a cucumber and not show how much you like some guy. Playing it cool, being a little aloof might make you feel safe but you might just show that you are not interested. Other game playing tactics to avoid is declaring your love and passion and then not calling them the next day. Whilst you might think that it mainly men who play those kinds of games, you would be wrong. Women are just as guilty at times. Forget playing games, instead just be yourself. If your date doesn’t like you for the person that you are, then you’re wasting your time anyway.

Similarly, you might meet someone new and really feel that this guy just might be the one. You are so compatible, you share so many interests, you laugh at the same things, have the same moral standards and yes, you really can see this romance as being the love of your life. The moment that you start fantasising about your future, stop yourself immediately. Remember if you have only just met your date a few times, you don’t really know each other and both of you will be on your best behaviour at the moment. Label your fantasies as a temporary sanity and whatever you do, do not share your dreams with your date.

If Mr. Perfect starts being unreliable and failing to turn up for dates or, if he starts turning up late with no apology or excuse, then don’t ignore these warning signs. Do you really want someone in your life who is unreliable and who doesn’t care for you enough to be respectful? The answer should be no. If it happens once or twice for very good reasons, then don’t jump to conclusions, but if this behaviour starts to become the norm, then it’s time to get out.

Interrogating your date is another no-no. I commend you if you have an abundance of questions to ask and you really do have an interest in finding out more about your romantic partner for the evening but don’t make it sound like you really are interrogating him. Remember, pause for breath and let him answer. He might even have a few questions for you.

A big turn-off is when the conversation turns towards your ex. We all have ex’s it’s a part of adult life that we meet people, fall in love and fall out of love but whatever your feelings towards that ex, don’t go overboard with your new date and talk it to death. You might hate your ex partner beyond belief and for good reason but your new date might only be thinking that you sound a bit bitter and twisted and panic might start to set in. Old baggage belongs in the dark recesses of your mind; don’t bring it into any new relationship. Okay, it’s easier said than done but don’t taint your new relationship with your old, especially in the early days.

Another dating mistake to avoid is not being honest about your needs. If your new date asks you what you would most like out of any relationship, you should always be honest. If you really want to fall in love and eventually have children, then tell him that. He might feel the same. If he says he really doesn’t want children ever, then at least you know, but there is no point making out you feel the same and then hoping that if things progress he might change his mind.

Successful dating is about more than being honest with your date, it’s about having the courage to be honest with yourself and you are certainly likely to have less dating errors as a result.

All of these factors combine to make the online dating world a difficult place to navigate.  For example, did you know that women who use a trendy “Myspace” style picture as their profile shot get an average of nine more new contacts each month than women whose profiles feature images of their pets?  Or that men are seven times more likely than women to lie about their full birthdays on their online dating profiles?

If you want to increase your odds of finding a good match online, you’ve got to know the numbers behind the online dating industry.  Check out the infographic below to find out how men and women each use dating sites, what it takes to get your profile noticed and how you can improve your chances of finding a match online.

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<a href="http://www.thetruthaboutonlinedating.com/online-dating-men-vs-women-infographic" target=”_blank"><img src="http://www.thetruthaboutonlinedating.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/OnlineDating-5901.jpg" alt="online dating: men vs women"/></a> [Via: <a href="http://www.thetruthaboutonlinedating.com/">online dating</a>]

If you think about it, infidelity means that you are breaking a promise to your partner assuming that you are in a loving and committed relationship of course. This means that you have promised to be sexually exclusive to your partner and that you do not wish to be intimate with anyone else so any action that you take outside of this emotional contract, makes you guilty of cheating.

So what makes you take that one step too far? What has gone wrong between you and your partner that would make you take such risks of losing them? For some people, the fear of being discovered is actually the reason, linked inextricably to the fear is a thrill of almost being caught out which is why many who cheat, enjoy sexual practices in easily discovered places. There is a certain satisfaction to sneaking around and enjoying sexual encounters with someone who is not your partner.

So what if you get caught? Well, there is the possibility that you relationship could survive from the impact of your actions but it would take a lot of hard work and commitment to reach that point where trust has been rebuilt.  If you have been cheating on your partner, you are not alone in these actions. Many people cheat prior to marriage and within a marriage, cheating occurs in about 50 % of those relationships.

You might think that you are being ultra discreet but there are noticeable tell-tale signs that indicate you are up to something. Sometimes it can be a gut feeling; your partner just suspects but has no grounded proof. These feelings of suspicion though over a period of time can eat away at a relationship so sometimes , even with no proof, a relationship can start crumbling under the pressure of doubts.

Often indicators can be changes in your behaviour. As a woman you might change your hairstyle, start wearing more make-up, treat yourself to new perfumes and you go out more on your own, little excuses to nip to the shops, sudden plans to meet up with friends, finding a few minutes to text your lover.  As a man, the excuse is often that you are working late; you have been invited to a guy’s only poker game, it’s a mate’s leaving do or you are being sent on a business trip or course.

If you have been with someone for some time, do you honestly think that they won’t notice actions that were previously out of character? Especially if you have always been content to be the stay at home type and now you hardly want to stay at home at all.

You have to consider why you are prepared to risk it all if you are already cheating? What is it about your relationship that has gone wrong? Is it just because the romance has faded or that the sexual attraction has started to waiver? Sadly, romance and chemistry often do fade after a period of time but it should deepen into something much more long lasting. Your love for each other should still be apparent even if your priorities are not about simply ripping the clothes off each other these days. Does your partner make you feel special and loved? Without feeling appreciated and loved, you will be vulnerable and susceptible to affairs, because someone else will start making you feel appreciated and will pay you the attention that you seek.

The best thing that you can do is to talk to your partner before you start taking steps towards infidelity because if you get caught out, there may be no way to heal your partnership once the damage has been done.

The real threat however is that there are many people on the Internet who are not what they seem to be. Unfortunately, they use the Internet dating sites to find others to exploit, this can be because they are married or in long-term relationships and are just looking for a little extra fun but it can be a whole lot more sinister too. There are women who weave a web of lies about their situation; they target men who live in other countries and over a period of time, hook their virtual date sufficiently enough to ask for money so that they can fly over supposedly to meet them. Often, the alias is completely false and it’s just another scam. But there are many vulnerable men who have made the mistake of transferring across a lot of money, because they genuinely believed that they were in a relationship and were going to meet the woman of their dreams, finally.

But it’s not just men who get caught out. Women have parted with their hard-earned savings too in the hopes that a particular man is the one for them and they believe in them and trust them. But it’s about more than money; there can be unpleasant undertones in connection with these men. It’s easy for anyone to hide their history and to re-invent themselves online. There is no way really of knowing just how genuine that they are or how nice.

So it makes sense to protect yourself and to ensure that your experiences with online dating are good ones. Always tell someone where you are going, keep in touch with loved ones and friends throughout the evening. A quick text offers some protection and at least people know where you are and who you are with. Always choose an area to meet which is busy and populated by plenty of others so that should you feel a little uneasy, it’s easy to make an escape route or to ask for assistance. Always avoid travelling alone with your date as well, at least until you have gotten to know each other a little more and feel relaxed.

This might sound very extreme but you have to remember that with online dating, you meet in a virtual world, so everything that is discussed online, cannot be confirmed, you have to trust that they are telling the truth. Now, I would never suggest that you spend your time checking and double-checking everything that your date says, but always keep an open mind that not everything may be true. In addition, the Internet dating world can easily make you believe these virtual impressions, you see a photo or two and you certainly like the look of your date but your perception of this person is formed by emails and text messages mainly. You might feel that it is real because you get pleasure from their emails or when they text you telling you that they miss you but in reality, your perception could be very wrong and until you meet up, you will not know for sure whether you even like them.

Always take your time getting to know someone and ensure that you don’t become the next Internet Scam statistic. It pays to be a little street-wise and to protect yourself. You will soon know when and if you should start to trust them after you have met up a few times.

What was I thinking of? This wasn’t really the way I wanted to find my perfect partner, if there is such a thing. Surely the people who have to resort to Internet dating, were no hopers, people who couldn’t excel at flirting in the real world? But then I thought about the long hours I was working and how since my marital break-up, my circle of friends was so much more limited, I realised that others were in the same position. Starting life over, trying to get back into single life whole-heartedly, whilst being scared to death of experiencing the same heart-break all over again. If they were no-hopers, then that made me the same. It was a sobering thought.

But this is why Internet dating works. Okay, it’s an odd and impersonal medium but actually that’s the attraction and best of all, you really can take it at your own pace and be in control of your own destiny. If you’re a little nervous about taking the dating plunge as I was, then it’s good for you to know that you don’t have to rush headlong into meeting up, you can take a little bit of time to decide whether you do actually wish to take that next step.

One thing that I did discover is the importance of filling in your profile properly. Too many people don’t take the time to really sell themselves and that after all is what you have to do. Having that mindset at the start will help you to list your virtues and not feel awkward or self-conscious about doing so and if you don’t know how great you are, how on earth is someone else going to just from reading that first little bit of blurb?

Internet dating allows you the great opportunity of meeting people who might never typically be in your social network, your paths would never probably cross in your day to day lives and yet this is such an exciting element. You could be meeting a Doctor one evening and a sculptor the next, your conversations will be so far removed that it will stretch  your mind and help you to become more worldly and experienced.

Internet dating caters for pretty much everyone’s needs. There are dating sites that are for newly divorced people, dating sites for millionaires, dating sites for religious people and a multitude of others, so there will definitely be one that matches your needs.  All you need to do is find the one that suits you.

If you enter the dating arena with the right frame of mind and a willingness to just enjoy the experience and to embrace each dating experience for what it is, you will soon realise the many benefits that Internet dating has to offer.  If you wanted, you could be meeting someone new every night and really maximising your chances of meeting someone special but it might be worth your thinking in terms of socialising as opposed to meeting the person of your dreams. If that sounds a bit gloomy, it’s not meant to. Having participated in online dating and having thoroughly enjoyed the experience,  I think it’s far better to look for the good and the potential in everyone that you meet and not compare them to others.  Or hope that on your very first date you will stumble across your soul mate. You will know if you are truly compatible with that person and whether there is any potential spark but you will also know whether you just enjoy the company of your date and are loving the whole Internet dating experience.

The trouble is, you might get on brilliantly and both really care about each other but actual love, the deep and meaningful romantic kind, might not have come into the equation for both of you and this is why announcing those declarations of love is terrifying.

You have to be completely honest about your feelings but you don’t want to suddenly blurt it out at an inopportune moment and after all, these romantic announcements should kind of be done at a moment most fitting. Perhaps during a romantic encounter after lights out? Blurting it out during an argument and then weeping profusely because it all came out wrong, probably isn’t going to do either of you any favours, so always pick your time and place.

Instead of focussing all of your attention on these feelings of love, start planning new experiences together. If you start thinking and acting like a team, both of your romantic feelings are likely to deepen and this will bring you even closer together. A day out to a location that you both want to visit will be lovely and you can always plan a romantic meal for two in some isolated but atmospheric restaurant that you researched earlier.

Give your partner compliments form time to time but make sure that they are sincere. Compliments can be enjoyed by both men and women and should always come from the heart. Telling someone that they look wonderful in that new outfit or how much that you appreciate them can certainly lead on to the moment of telling them how much you love them.

You might wonder from time to time just how much they actually care about you. You know there are feelings there, there is certainly romance and oh yes, there is plenty of sizzling chemistry going on too, but not once have you felt that your partner was about to declare how much they love you. If you are not careful, these doubts could have a way of niggling into your life together, because you will start watching every word that your partner utters and note every little action. Eventually, fed up of not getting those warm reciprocal feelings, you might well blurt out your feelings in a huff or cause a big argument, sometimes over nothing.

You might be the world’s biggest romantic but not everyone feels that way. How much do you really know your partner? Are they the type to announce their feelings for you to anyone who might listen? Or is your partner much deeper than that and prone to shyness and doubts too?

If all else fails, secretly plan a romantic getaway. If you choose a location such as Paris, which is renowned for its romance, this might plant the seed in your partner’s mind. But irrespective of this, you can still plan a gorgeous getaway, champagne on arrival in your hotel, a four-poster bed and a romantic candlelit meal for two. If you get the time and the setting right, and you can build up a loving, caring atmosphere as the evening progresses, then is the time to tell your partner just how you feel. You never know your partner might have been bursting at the seams desperate to tell you too!

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There are things that you can do however to make the pain ease a little and to take control back over your life. Firstly, do your best to avoid your ex at all costs. Whilst there will be a big part of you that desperately wants to meet up, just remember that these casual encounters is only going to add to the loss. If you can’t trust yourself not to beg them to come back, then delete their phone number and email address, do not turn yourself into a stalker even if your actions are only misguided. It certainly won’t do your self-esteem any good.

There is no way to avoid feeling the pain and in actual fact you should.  Whilst you will feel rubbish for a while and emotionally in bits, it’s good to go through the grieving process. They may not have died but the loss is as vivid to you so allow yourself the chance to heal by letting your emotions out.

Once you have picked yourself back up form the wallowing stage, it’s time to change tract completely and keep yourself busy at all times. Your mind might still wander back to your ex from time to time and you may still experience waves of loss sweeping over you but if you pick activities that you have always wanted to do, this will help you to keep your focus on the task at hand.

It’s good to talk to friends about your break-up because there is strength in communication and you will find that your friends can be very supportive, but as much as you want to pour your heart out to all and sundry, remember that your friends will probably need a break from talking about your long lost loved one.

If you find communicating with others too difficult because your head is just a jumble of emotions and your heart is still fragmenting into a million pieces, you may find it easier to jot down your thoughts. Create an emotions diary and know that you can write down any of your emotions within its pages and that it’s a safe way to release all of the frustrations and inner angst. Writing down your feelings is a great way to unburden your innermost emotions and it’s very therapeutic.

Talk to your family about your relationship break-up and you will be astounded by the love and support that you get as a result. You might be surprised to discover that they suspected your partner wasn’t really the one for you but had thought it best to let you reach that point or decision on your own.  Don’t forget that your family understands you more than anyone else can.

Get rid of your memories by burning any love letters or giving away any gifts to family or friends. If you can’t bring yourself to do this, then package up everything and place it in a large box, hiding it at the back of a large cupboard. One day, you might enjoy going through the items but in the meanwhile, out of sight is out of mind.

Try focussing on your career for a while and don’t rush headlong into another relationship. By focussing your time and energies on your career, you may well find yourself becoming successful in your own rights and your sense of achievement will give your self-esteem a real boost. Plus by driving forward in a new direction, you are giving your own emotions a chance to heal naturally and in time, you will suddenly realise that you haven’t thought about your ex for ages and then you know that you are well and truly on the path to full recovery.

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It’s easy to make a first and lasting impression but you need to make a good impression and one that really shows you in a favourable light. You also know that you need to step up a gear and to get him to notice you quite quickly before some other woman gets to him first.

You  have no doubt that he has droves of women after him and you might even find yourself doubting your own chances with him especially if the competitions is hot, but don’t let any negative thoughts creep in. First you have to consider how much you know about him or are you just attracted to his looks? If you are pretty certain that you have loads in common, then you can certainly use this angle to get the conversation going.

Men might historically have been the ones who were supposed to make all the moves but not in modern society, if you wait for him to notice you and to actually ask you out, you may well be old and grey, so you really need to be able to communicate your interest in a sophisticated and yet non pushy manner. Learning how to show your interest without simpering is an art form, practice a little in front of a mirror to make sure you are not overly exaggerating your eye contact or body language.

Once you have managed to get the conversation going, you are really going to have to learn how to flirt with him. You might think that you are a champion flirt and  your flirting sounds great in your mind’s eye, remember that men respond in a different way than women and you need to flirt on his level.

Assuming that you are able to chat to him quite easily and you feel that there definitely could be a hidden spark there just waiting to be discovered, it’s important to ensure that he doesn’t just like you but fancies you too. You need to flirt with a little more intensity and make him feel that he is sexually drawn to you. Your body language doesn’t have to be over the top, just turn the heat up a little and be a little suggestive; if he is not backwards coming forwards then he won’t miss the signals.

It’s not easy for anyone to make the first move but if you have shown plenty of interest without laying it 100% on the line, then really the next move is up to him. If you have been overtly sensuous, he may just be interested in a one night stand but if this isn’t what you want, then hold back. Just because you like the guy, you don’t have to jump into bed with him the very first second he notices you back, unless you want to of course.

If you have managed to cultivate his interest and built up a little rapport, then don’t be afraid to ask him out for a drink. If you want to keep it fairly casual, then you can make it a lunchtime date, but if you are hoping that your one or two drinks will turn into a whole evening, then arrange to meet after you finish work. Make sure you don’t get tongue tied or clam up around him. If you are nervous, have a few questions to ask him or topics to discuss and you will soon be enjoying your time together. Fingers crossed.

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