All of these factors combine to make the online dating world a difficult place to navigate.  For example, did you know that women who use a trendy “Myspace” style picture as their profile shot get an average of nine more new contacts each month than women whose profiles feature images of their pets?  Or that men are seven times more likely than women to lie about their full birthdays on their online dating profiles?

If you want to increase your odds of finding a good match online, you’ve got to know the numbers behind the online dating industry.  Check out the infographic below to find out how men and women each use dating sites, what it takes to get your profile noticed and how you can improve your chances of finding a match online.

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The real threat however is that there are many people on the Internet who are not what they seem to be. Unfortunately, they use the Internet dating sites to find others to exploit, this can be because they are married or in long-term relationships and are just looking for a little extra fun but it can be a whole lot more sinister too. There are women who weave a web of lies about their situation; they target men who live in other countries and over a period of time, hook their virtual date sufficiently enough to ask for money so that they can fly over supposedly to meet them. Often, the alias is completely false and it’s just another scam. But there are many vulnerable men who have made the mistake of transferring across a lot of money, because they genuinely believed that they were in a relationship and were going to meet the woman of their dreams, finally.

But it’s not just men who get caught out. Women have parted with their hard-earned savings too in the hopes that a particular man is the one for them and they believe in them and trust them. But it’s about more than money; there can be unpleasant undertones in connection with these men. It’s easy for anyone to hide their history and to re-invent themselves online. There is no way really of knowing just how genuine that they are or how nice.

So it makes sense to protect yourself and to ensure that your experiences with online dating are good ones. Always tell someone where you are going, keep in touch with loved ones and friends throughout the evening. A quick text offers some protection and at least people know where you are and who you are with. Always choose an area to meet which is busy and populated by plenty of others so that should you feel a little uneasy, it’s easy to make an escape route or to ask for assistance. Always avoid travelling alone with your date as well, at least until you have gotten to know each other a little more and feel relaxed.

This might sound very extreme but you have to remember that with online dating, you meet in a virtual world, so everything that is discussed online, cannot be confirmed, you have to trust that they are telling the truth. Now, I would never suggest that you spend your time checking and double-checking everything that your date says, but always keep an open mind that not everything may be true. In addition, the Internet dating world can easily make you believe these virtual impressions, you see a photo or two and you certainly like the look of your date but your perception of this person is formed by emails and text messages mainly. You might feel that it is real because you get pleasure from their emails or when they text you telling you that they miss you but in reality, your perception could be very wrong and until you meet up, you will not know for sure whether you even like them.

Always take your time getting to know someone and ensure that you don’t become the next Internet Scam statistic. It pays to be a little street-wise and to protect yourself. You will soon know when and if you should start to trust them after you have met up a few times.

What was I thinking of? This wasn’t really the way I wanted to find my perfect partner, if there is such a thing. Surely the people who have to resort to Internet dating, were no hopers, people who couldn’t excel at flirting in the real world? But then I thought about the long hours I was working and how since my marital break-up, my circle of friends was so much more limited, I realised that others were in the same position. Starting life over, trying to get back into single life whole-heartedly, whilst being scared to death of experiencing the same heart-break all over again. If they were no-hopers, then that made me the same. It was a sobering thought.

But this is why Internet dating works. Okay, it’s an odd and impersonal medium but actually that’s the attraction and best of all, you really can take it at your own pace and be in control of your own destiny. If you’re a little nervous about taking the dating plunge as I was, then it’s good for you to know that you don’t have to rush headlong into meeting up, you can take a little bit of time to decide whether you do actually wish to take that next step.

One thing that I did discover is the importance of filling in your profile properly. Too many people don’t take the time to really sell themselves and that after all is what you have to do. Having that mindset at the start will help you to list your virtues and not feel awkward or self-conscious about doing so and if you don’t know how great you are, how on earth is someone else going to just from reading that first little bit of blurb?

Internet dating allows you the great opportunity of meeting people who might never typically be in your social network, your paths would never probably cross in your day to day lives and yet this is such an exciting element. You could be meeting a Doctor one evening and a sculptor the next, your conversations will be so far removed that it will stretch  your mind and help you to become more worldly and experienced.

Internet dating caters for pretty much everyone’s needs. There are dating sites that are for newly divorced people, dating sites for millionaires, dating sites for religious people and a multitude of others, so there will definitely be one that matches your needs.  All you need to do is find the one that suits you.

If you enter the dating arena with the right frame of mind and a willingness to just enjoy the experience and to embrace each dating experience for what it is, you will soon realise the many benefits that Internet dating has to offer.  If you wanted, you could be meeting someone new every night and really maximising your chances of meeting someone special but it might be worth your thinking in terms of socialising as opposed to meeting the person of your dreams. If that sounds a bit gloomy, it’s not meant to. Having participated in online dating and having thoroughly enjoyed the experience,  I think it’s far better to look for the good and the potential in everyone that you meet and not compare them to others.  Or hope that on your very first date you will stumble across your soul mate. You will know if you are truly compatible with that person and whether there is any potential spark but you will also know whether you just enjoy the company of your date and are loving the whole Internet dating experience.

It all started off as fun. You got talked into trying out Internet dating and whilst you had little hopes of meeting anyone cute, you had no wish to stay on the shelf for any longer either. So you signed up to a reputable dating site and began to peruse through all of the candidates who met your search requirements and you were pleasantly surprised that there were so many nice looking and available men who you really could have fancied.

It all started off quite innocently. You started narrowing down your selection and added a few people to your favourite’s category and then before you know it, you had emails pinging in and some great messages that worked to pique your curiosity even more. Suddenly you began enjoying the whole Internet dating scenario and found that you were really looking forward to getting your emails and getting to know your favourite guys little by little.

You might have felt a little guilty at writing to a few people and not waiting to see whether which person was the most suitable but you quickly stopped worrying about that as after all, what harm could a little flirting do?

And now you have finally taken it one step further and have actually met both guys and you can’t believe it but every little thing that they have said to you by email, seems to have been true. They both look like their photos which is a real plus point in your eyes as they are gorgeous and they both have wonderful senses of humour that made you laugh constantly from start to finish.

So now what? You know you should really choose between them and focus on just one but it’s an impossible choice for you because they have so many good qualities between them that you are really torn as to who you like. Ok, stop right there and leave the guilt and confusion to one side. There is nothing wrong with holding on and taking your time to get to know each one. It’s important after all to scratch beneath those surface layers and to find out the real man behind the smile. Your dilemma after all just highlights the fact that you are not ready to make a choice and to say goodbye to one and there is nothing wrong with that, providing that you are being honest with each one and not committing to both.

Over time, you will be able to ascertain whose qualities are the most important for you. Do you pick the one who really shares your sense of humour and who continuously makes you smile? Do you love the fact that he has a daring nature and makes you cast your conservative nature to one side? Does he spoil you and live his life on the edge? Does he make you dream about a future that you would never have thought possible?

Or what about the other guy who is kind, caring and compassionate? Do you like how he treats you with respect? Opens doors for you, treats you to all sorts of well-thought out gifts? And do you like the fact that his life is mapped out and that he knows what he wants to do in life?

These kinds of dilemmas should not be ignored. Eventually one person will come out the winner and this is likely to happen once the first flush of infatuation has passed. A clear sense of clarity will follow and you will be able to make the decision, not just with your head but with your heart too.

Until then, be honest but enjoy the attention and relax. Life is for living and you might have struck it lucky by having two such caring suitors to consider.

Image:© Ricardo Verde Costa | Dreamstime.com

Women do tend to be a lot more complex in terms of attraction triggers. They might be wowed by a man’s looks but essentially are prepared to dig a lot deeper to discover what goes on under the surface. Women want loyalty and stability usually but if a man is open, honest, and friendly and has the ability to make her smile, then these are powerful triggers at work and he is likely to have the opportunity to get a whole lot closer to her.

Women tend to be a lot more trusting too. When it comes to Internet dating, they often believe all that the man has written in his profile, until they learn otherwise. For men, it’s important that they write with honesty if they really do want to attract someone special. If they can discard the he-man image and allow the woman to peek inside their character- they may well be onto a winner.

Men are different in their outlook. They are mostly attracted by looks-yes it sounds shallow but initially many are just interested in the outer wrapping, the packaging to them is important but in time the personality element becomes an integral part of it too. Men just see different things as a priority in the first instance.

So if you consider these basic elements, women should write a profile with men in mind, and really think about what a man might be looking for and allow their fun element to come across. Women should ensure that they post their best photos online, and ensure that they show the women in the most attractive way, happy, smiling, and looking confident and attractive.

Men should discard the photos that show off their bodies. Of course women don’t mind a sneak look at a nice physique but they want to get inside the mind of the man. So women are less interested in the outer packaging but will target isolated areas such as: his eyes, his smile, his hands. If a man really wants to attract a woman, again, the photos should be sensitive and tasteful.  Smiling, reflective, studied poses – after all, who wants to see a miserable picture. Photos should be current too of course and a clear portrait photo not taken outside on a foggy evening as dusk falls would help especially if the woman wants to meet up and be able to identify him.  Reflective poses signal depth of character and this is another attraction trigger that would appeal to many women.

Using attraction triggers throughout the profile and this includes the written elements too. When creating a profile, never, ever refer to life’s problems, past dates or horrible experiences unless they are funny and never name anyone or be derogatory about another. Everyone has a past but when you encounter a new potential date, the last thing you want to see or hear is some emotional or physical details about an ex. Romantically, this is a clean slate, a new start and it’s important within a profile that a sense of positivity towards the future is portrayed. A profile should be warm, friendly and welcoming. Essentially you are inviting that person to email you.  Don’t make it hard to attract someone to you, make it easier by using relationship triggers to your advantage.

Image:© Maksim Tselishchev | Dreamstime.com

The most important thing if it’s really over is learning
to accept it. In your heart, this will be the last thing that you will feel
like accepting but it will help to give you a strong dose of reality and help
your brain to start functioning in a clearer way. You might love someone but
that doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with them, like them or have a
great deal in common. Ok, so that might sound like misplaced love in which case
but you can’t help who you fall for. When you can start isolating your feelings
just a little, sometimes, your brain will tell you what your heart doesn’t want
to hear, that realistically, the two of you were not right together.

Whatever the reason for the break-up, it’s time to allow
yourself to feel the pain of your lost relationship. If you don’t allow
yourself to go through this grieving time you will only start holding on to the
past and hope against hope that you will get back together. It’s important that
you gain closure and going through the emotional pain is a good way to do just
that. Pamper yourself for a bit and surround yourself with friends, make sure
that they are sympathetic ones because you won’t need to hear any ‘I told you
so’s’ or ‘if only you had listened’.

Once the worst of the emotional hurt has been worked
through, the next stage is to start filling in all of the spare time you will
now probably have. Depending on how long you were together and how much time of
the week you spent together, there may be a real physical hole in your life and
it’s time to start filling that in with fun things. If you had many of the same
friends, it might be a good idea to get out there and to start making some new
friends. This doesn’t mean dropping any of the former people that you once
socialised with, but in the first instance, spending time with different people
will really help you to bridge the gap between your old life and the new great
one you are going to embrace wholeheartedly.

You can start off by taking up some new hobbies. Perhaps
you have always wanted to learn a new language but never had the time? Check
out your college prospectus and see whether this helps you to fill a bit of
free time in a constructive way. Alternatively, set up a new keep fit regime and
join a local gym or take some classes. Group activities are good because you
will instinctively start to meet people with shared interests and importantly,
they will not be part of your existing social group.  Once you have settled into single life a
little bit, you can then start to expand your social activities and can start
going to new places with your new friends.

Always remember that it takes time to forge new bonds.
You might have regrettably let some of your former friends go when you became
part of a relationship so it may well feel like you are starting over but
that’s ok. It’s a new lesson to learn. Cherish your friends going forward.

Take things slowly. You can rush headlong back into the
dating scene but on the other hand sometimes it’s good to take things a little
steady and to let yourself heal, by doing so, it allows you to embrace any new
relationships without all of the clutter of old emotional hurts and that has to
be a good thing.

Image:© Larry Powell | Dreamstime.com

You might have even entertained the idea of trying to get him back.
Maybe eat a little bit of humble pie or admit that maybe, just maybe you were
wrong? It’s hard to accept a break up especially if it occurred during a hot
headed row. Sometimes silly things spark up the fieriest of rows which lead to
big walk-outs but if you both still love each other, you may be wondering if
there is still hope?

It’s hard to view things from a logical stance when your heart is
bruised but if you can take a step back from all of the emotions; it may help
to give you an important sense of clarity and to identify any tell-tale signs
that there is still hope.

First of all, do you still have a lot of your ex’s belongings stored at
your places? If yes, this is a classic sign that there is still some hope that
you can patch things up because it would have been easy for him to collect his
belongings and even if he didn’t want to see you, he could have sent someone
else around. It’s a sign of attachment and still needing to keep the bonds
alive. He may be hoping that by leaving his things where they are, it will stop
you from emotionally moving on. This might be a subconscious thought of course,
but it could well exist.

Does your ex still communicate with you? If you are receiving texts or
phone calls from him it means that he still wants to hear from you. Of course,
if he is ringing up to simply continue the row, then draw a line through this
one, but often, keeping the communication airwaves open mean that there is
still some deep feelings.. Depending on the row and how you are feeling
afterwards, sometimes it’s worth cutting off the communication for a while to
allow yourself to simmer and to analyse how you really feel. If it’s just one
of a long, long line of rows, then you do need to think about whether it is
worth papering over the cracks- again.

Another sign that he still cares, ironically is if he starts parading all over
town with the latest girlfriend draped on to his arm. Now this might not seem as
if he is trying to win you over but there is a certain sense to his making you
jealous. It’s a difficult situation because the last thing you will want to do
is to remain calm but it will at least give you the opportunity of analysing
your feelings properly. How did it make you feel to see him with someone else?
If the answer was very little or a sense of relief that it’s all over, then you
know that it’s truly time to move on. Don’t dwell on it, accept it and see it
as a new starting point in your life and that it gives you the opportunity to
meet someone new.

Whatever happens going forward, at some point you will need to ensure
that you tidy up the situation either by sitting and discussing what went wrong
and deliberating how to avoid the situation again, or by tidying up the
emotional clutter and getting him to come and get his things. For as long as
you leave his things around the house, it’s like having one foot always in the
door and to enable you to have complete closure, be brave and draw a line under
your relationship. As much as it might hurt, it will be worth it in the end.

Internet dating affords you a great many possibilities in
that it can instantly widen your social circle and enables you to meet people
that would normally not be within your remit. In the first instance, Internet
dating helps you to get to know people from the safety of your own home. You
don’t have to go and meet anyone if you don’t want to, and you certainly should
only go and meet someone if it feels right to do so.

Bear in mind though that a virtual world can be a
compelling one. It can be exciting to exist solely in the realms of emails or
online chat. There is certainly less pressure to perform as there would be if
you met face to face although there are options for chatting via webcam if you
choose to do so. Some people do hide behind a virtual world and they just do
not wish to take the next step and meet up, this is fine if you are happy to
have an online pen friend only but if they continue to not meet up, and you
start to find this frustrating, then it may be wise to accept that this
‘friendship’ already has limitations.

If you’re shy of course, a virtual world has great
advantages but at some point you are going to want to get to know who you are
talking to properly. When it comes to meeting up, you may well be nervous,
that’s understandable but don’t worry, just make sure you have plenty of
questions to ask (without making it sound like an interrogation) and a few
funny stories of your own. Keep a first date as enjoyable and relaxed as
possible. You don’t need to pour out your heart and soul then and there;
hopefully you will have better opportunities to talk about your life at a later
date.

Honesty is so important. Sadly, the Internet dating scene
is full of dishonest people but don’t’ fall into that trap where you think you
could be anybody and project an image that is false. If you did eventually meet
up, you will have a lot of explaining to do. Never make out you are someone
that you are not, it’s not worth it and dishonesty simply breeds contempt.

When you start going out on dates, try to have a clear
picture of what you want to achieve. Do remember though that if you have false
hopes, you are just going to go home disappointed. This is akin to setting
yourself up for failure before you have even got going properly.  Always meet somewhere public and of course
where you feel comfortable. Make sure you have seen an excellent and recent photo
of your date too so that they are easily recognisable. The last thing you want
to do is to have to trawl up and down the bar asking if any of them are your
date.

Even if you feel love struck on your first date, take it
slowly. Don’t assume your date has been struck by cupid’s arrow too. Hold on to
all of the lovely feelings you have and make it your rule to take it slow and
really get to know someone before any big declarations of love. You might be
naturally intense and want to move your date on to the next level but just let
fate take a hand and enjoy it for what it is and not for what it might become.

As you gradually get to know your date, you may well find
that your first instinct was right and that you do really like each other but
on the other hand, you may have simply just got carried away with the attention,
so best to play it safe. Your guiding principles are mostly common sense but
abiding by them will enable you to have a much more successful outcome in the
dating arena.

Image:© Raycan | Dreamstime.com

So when you should you start dating? Really, you should start dating whenever it feels right for you.  You may feel that you are desperately lonely and this of course is going to really put pressure on you to find someone to share a little time with but make sure that you are starting to date again for the right reasons. It could be that what you need is not a date but a friend and if you are feeling isolated, try instead to widen your social circle that way first of all. Don’t worry if you start experiencing feelings of guilt at trying to move on, this is natural as your life evolves.

There is no miracle cut off point for grief. You don’t just get to grieve for twelve months and then as if by magic, a switch is flicked and all your former emotions get switched off. So before taking the dating plunge, make sure that you have faced your feelings and let all of your emotions out because it would be impossible to find a complete replacement for your previous partner and you cannot simply date to fill an emotional gap.

If your world suddenly feels very small and you just want to get out and test the waters and start re-establishing yourself in your own rights, then consider Internet dating but just be careful that you are in the right mindset and not feeling vulnerable. Internet dating can be great fun and it’s a great way to be introduced to a variety of people who are not even in your local area. For a woman experiencing loss, it’s very easy to attract the wrong men, those who perhaps are drawn by your vulnerability or men who simply take and who are emotionally bereft themselves. But there are also women out there who may do just the same to men who are ravaged by loss and needing company in their lives. Sadly the world is full of serial daters and cheaters, and many congregate online in the safety of a virtual world and your paths are bound to cross if you decide to try out Internet dating.

Despite these considerations, there are many who will be genuine and who are looking for a decent relationship and who are lonely themselves. No doubt they will have experienced the highs and lows of relationship loss through broken hearts or grief themselves but remember that they may be at a different stage of grief than you so even with loss being a common bond, neither of you may be able to commit fully.

With Internet dating providing the opportunity to chat to many, you may even find yourself entering a conveyor belt of dates and plunging from one romantic no-no to another. Don’t despair if this happens, there could be numerous reasons why any of the dates don’t work out but also you have to consider whether you are fully ready to embrace the dating world. Sometimes, your subconscious can set you up for disappointments, it’s a way of protecting yourself but this will stop when you eventually meet someone who is caring and considerate and who is right for you. Providing you are honest with those you meet and explain that you want to meet people but not rush into something at this stage, you will have a better chance of making a connection with someone who deserves to be with you.

Internet dating is a wonderful resource which will enable you to extend the hand of friendship to others and to widen your social circle, but make sure that emotionally you are ready to take this first step and then you can embrace the virtual world of online dating and be ready for any emotional encounters. Internet dating can be a lifeline through the loneliness and the grief but take small steps so that any emotional wounds can heal because then you will be able to project the real you and attract those who are worthy.

Image:© Serghei Starus | Dreamstime.com

Firstly if you are newly solo, it’s time to give yourself a boost and re-invent yourself. You can do this by getting your hair done or by buying new clothes. Give your image a shake-up and don’t rush into buying the first things that you see, take your time and enjoy the whole process. If you feel that you look good, you can guarantee that your confidence will soon start to soar and having an inner confidence is an attractive quality to any significant others that you meet.

If being single seems very scary, it’s worth giving yourself a reality check and realising that your perfect partner probably isn’t going to come riding in on a white charger and saving you from yourself straight away-and not without a little bit of encouragement anyway, so don’t take the whole dating thing too seriously. It’s much more important in the early stages to view it as fun. Does it really matter if you don’t fall in love immediately? Isn’t it better to become more confident and more socially adept again? Just enjoy the experiences that being single brings you, plus once you do start dating, having the right, relaxed attitude will mean that your dates will probably want to see you again.

If you have been out of the dating saddle for some time, why not go out with groups of friends first as this can help you to feel a little more natural out and about and to also meet people in a more natural and relaxed environment. You will possibly feel more confident if you are out in a crowd and any conversations can become much more relaxed.  Internet dating, if you decide to go this route, will offer you many chances to widen your social horizons and as it can be fun, it’s worth taking the plunge and securing as many dates as appeals.

If and when you start dating, it can be very flattering if you can develop good listening skills but don’t let the conversation run flat, have a handful of topics that you feel comfortable talking about and don’t rush through them all as if you are in the midst of a race to the finishing line. You have the whole date to chat, so just enjoy the conversation and relax. It can be worth realising that your date (unless a serial dater) can be just as nervous as you. It’s important that you both try to make a good first impression but however the date progresses, stay as relaxed as possible and help each other to make the date a success.

The real pressure when you start dating is often generated by yourself. You may find an innate desire to perform on your dates, to entertain or to please your date. Try to avoid this. If your confidence is still shaky, this might make you act out of character but don’t lose sight of the person you are. Whatever your dating history, good or bad, make sure you don’t come across as too bitter as this can be a little off-putting for your date. Everyone has a chequered past romantically and at some point you can share your stories but in the first instance, get to know your date before sharing your life story. It’s good to make the effort to impress but remember that when you meet someone who is completely compatible with you, it won’t be about making an effort, it will feel natural and wonderful but in the meanwhile, just get out there and embrace your single status.